I recently discovered that I am happiest when I am being self-destructive.
When I have no desire to eat. When my head is so full of thoughts that my eyes are changing colour and I see things differently. When I am sleepless. And constantly awake. But I am dreaming of the impossible. When I can feel my every emotion at once and I choke trying to express it. And the fire bursts from my nostrils or turns into liquid gold leaking from my mouth. When I am drinking without getting drunk. Eating without feeling sate.
When I am ready to answer your every question and make a fool out of myself. But what an intoxicated fool!